I feel hatred, so much hatred. For the moments that don't go my way, for the people who seem do things only to spite me. I feel soooooooo muuuuuuuuch hatred. I feel it build up inside me at the thought that I feel constricted by others. I realize that it's my responsibility to take care of myself. I realize that I should change my focus from the others to myself. I just haven't managed to do that yet. I keep falling into unproductive patterns that stall me.

I don't know. I don't know what to do to get out of this. I've been thinking about giving up the Internet, if not for good, at least for a long time. I could at least use it only in the evening. Otherwise, it distracts me from any other activity. Although it has so many advantages, it's exactly the force of this attraction that makes me stop doing anything else. I lose time. I simply lose time, instead of focusing on activities that could benefit me in the long term. It doesn't help me at all if I only watch video clips and read stories on websites. It doesn't help at all.